Monday, August 25, 2008

11:32 PM

sorry for the swearings in this post. its damn long. can dont read.

tmr im seeing doctor again...sec1 band prac or sectional rather, will be taken by andy. waihong has leadership course...wednesday band prac for national anthem and victorian anthem. dont know what time it will end and i doubt i can have sectional that day. thursday is probably busy with teacher day stuffs...and sectional will be cancelled. friday if got band prac mr tan will scold again. i cant play a shit again. i have to fake and feel guilty. i just cant have a fucking proper sectional once a week.

individuals. no time for sectional where does my individual time come from? no individuals how to help my section in the pieces? my sense of rhythm is weaker than everyone else. spamming the recording of symphonic dances and staring hard at the score doesnt help much. get to know abit of the starting. towards the middle part i can hardly hear a shit from trombone. dont even have time to try out, cant figure the rhythm on my own, i might as well quit band lar. fuck...

i cant improve. tone ok so what? not as if holding long notes throughout the concert -.- such useless sl for what? give me just one post. sp. im happy enough. i let winston and marcus down. they think highly of me being sl yet i cant do a shit to help my section they not cooperating with me and the limited time i spend with them. sectional always not productive. mr tan conduct sectional all tiam tiam there then play so nice. i take only all give me shit.

morning assembly. me andy and russell never play. trombone section like wiped out. only waihong supporting the whole section. spencer pro so what? cant hear a shit from him. whole day blame bracers. winston and christopher could blast paddle Bb with braces. ask you hold long notes. you gave me the fuck face. if you want the sl to motivate you to work hard. you think the sl see you like that not sian isit? i motivate you, you motivate me.

ask you what you want to improve on, you told me all achieved. since it is so, what for join vscb? we are a bunch of students who wants to make music. most of us start from scratch. we are not that pro. you dont have to look down on us.

"its a crime to be brilliant". fuck off. you think you that pro go join tkwo lar. vscb only take in those with passion to make our dreams come true. not those fuckers who think they pro and yet isnt. i teaching halfway must cut into me and started taking over. i keep quiet but it doesnt mean i dont care. you do that is equal to saying "you suck" right in my face. at least respect me lar. you want teach, you take over the sl post. we can always discuss with mr tan and
the teachers. if not fucking shut up and do what i tell you to.

sometimes its like you want to do something and cant do it is worse than you didnt do anything. you feel so helpless and wished that god was next to you to help you solve this. please lar...im just a se3 student. my studies so fucked up. now add in band. i fucking screw up everything lar. i also have my limits lar...think i made of metal can withstand any amount of pressure...

"aiya pump then pump lor" sounds familiar? i bet this came across most of your minds when i pump you all. not i want to. but its the fastest way to get things drilled into your heads...now is the juniors shouting at the seniors that pump them wrongly. it wasnt this all along. senior pump we tiam tiam do liao and get over with it. now? pump 20 only complain this complain that. fuck up...

adding to it, family problems...FUCK MYSELF man...its so tiring to live on...